Okay, so something to say about this ( from first hand experience ):
When a depressed person reaches out for someone, whether it be friend or family or even stranger, they’re NOT looking for solutions. They DO NOT view you as someone who holds the secrets of the universe that will give them answers. They are looking for the simple human need of c o m f o r t. They want to crawl out of their skin, overflow, explode, whatever. Sometimes, you don’t even have to say a word. & usually, it’s best you don’t. People suffering from depression are in such a sensitive state of mind, most of anything you say will cause an upheaval. Then matters get worse, they think, “I came to them for solace ! Why wold they say something like that ! They know how I’m hurting ! This was a mistake ! ! !” & the thing is, neither of you dd wrong, because nothing is going to make things right anyways. What is wrong is when the person who they so desperately needed speaks these words “I can’t take this !” “You’re out of control.” “I can’t help you.” “Stop being over dramatic.” “This is just self pity, stop wallowing.” This is when s u i c i d e finally smashes out the foundation to the house inside their mind, & everything becomes sickeningly blurry & surreal, the room spinning around them as their heart breaks through their chest walls & suddenly they can’t breathe. Why ? Because the one person they trusted, care for, hold so high, love so strongly; the person they THOUGHT they could RELY ON is about to slam the door to the room where it’s just them & the monster. Then, the words slide out like that piece of stubborn hair that won’t stay tucked behind your ear. & YOU feel victim ? Guilt tripped ? They needed you. You who they thought so strong. You who walked out at the crescendo of the screaming in their head. Do not feel victim. Do not feel guilt tripped. Feel guilty that you, an expert monster chaser in their eyes, gave up on vanquishing them.
Sorry, but I cannot agree with this response less. It feels like someone saying you’re there for comfort, and if you can’t handle it, explode or run off, you are the guilty party. Seems like a rationalle for keeping someone kind of captive.
MInd you, being the one in the depressed person shoes it doesn’t seem like that’s happening. You just need that person to be there. It doesn’t seem like you’re loading them with expectations or taking away their freedom at the time. You just need their comfort, that’s all. If they don’t want to give it freely, a little emotional manipulation will do the trick.
I know. I’ve done it. And I’m going to have to live with the guilt for doing that for the rest of my life and I don’t ever plan to forgive myself. Because by guilting that person so that they wouldn’t leave I took away their freedom and happiness so that I wouldn’t wallow in depression alone.
I understand we all need comfort, but comfort that is freely given and comfort we have to drag out of people is completely different and it should be up to the person whether or not they want to give it.
depression comix #170 & 171 [tw: self-harm]
For some reason, Tumblr did not like me posting two long vertical comics and the jpeg quality is terrible on desktop devices (looks nice on my phone, though). Please click on the link to see the comic in a better resolution if you’d like. I’m sorry about the image quality of this one.
I like that there’s no “[if you love me] you have to promise me you’ll never self harm again” bullshit
because that’s just harmful guilt-tripping pretending to be “positive” emotional manipulation
Absolutely. Although the person who says that doesn’t see it that way, it only has negative consequences for the person it’s said to. It just adds a truckload of guilt and shame to a condition that definitely doesn’t need any more.
You have no idea what’s coming…
New trailer for #GODZILLA